Infertility is frustrating enough, but what’s even worse is getting pregnant only to have all your hopes and dreams end in a miscarriage. Just when you think you’ve paid your ‘dues’, you think the universe couldn’t be cruel enough to make this happen over and over again. That’s what I used to think before I realized there was a lot I could do to overcome both infertility and miscarriage. I have finally come to the conclusion that there are few things in life that we cannot control. We are not victims of circumstances. We can empower ourselves by realizing that we own (and control) our bodies, our minds, and our ability to attract what we want into our life. It’s not that I believe women are responsible for their infertility and/or miscarriages, it’s just that every time you put yourself in “victim” mode, you automatically feel like there’s nothing you can do.

I admit, there may be physiological factors contributing to miscarriage requiring medical intervention, however, in my case, it was about restoring the delicate balance of my hormones and reproductive system. I had six miscarriages before having my beautiful daughter. But when it was good, it was good. I had her at age 44 and conceived her without fertility treatments. I had an uneventful pregnancy and delivery and if I do say so myself, my daughter is perfect in every way.

Getting Pregnant is an orchestration of synchronous events that unfold like a beautiful musical masterpiece. Each instrument has to play at the right time. It is mind-boggling to think of all that must occur for a successful conception, implantation, and ultimately pregnancy. After undergoing a series of unsuccessful fertility treatments (including IVF twice, which resulted in the removal of a fallopian tube after an ectopic pregnancy), I was still certain that I could have a baby the “old fashioned” way. way even with a trunk. Now that I understand how to restore the delicate balance of my reproductive system, I shudder to think of how all the drugs and hormones associated with fertility treatments may have been one of the main obstacles to my success. It’s like the proverbial “bull in a china shop”. I was injecting myself with powerful fertility drugs that resulted in wild mood swings, hyperstimulation of my ovaries, and abnormal estrogen levels. We spent $25,000 of our hard earned money only to walk away with nothing. Looking back, I think about how that $25,000 could have been a college fund for my daughter, and it’s amazing how financially conservative we are in every other aspect of our lives. I cannot think of any other medical procedure performed on basically healthy people that is as risky, expensive, and has such marginal success rates. It’s just that you want a baby so badly that you’re willing to do it. anything and therein lies the danger. Most of us have been so conditioned to seek medical and pharmaceutical help for every disorder, that we don’t even consider the ‘natural way’.

With each miscarriage, it broke my heart, but it comforted me to know that I could still get pregnant. None of the doctors could tell me why I was having a miscarriage, so they usually resorted to the depressing “pregnancy and miscarriage” statistics at my age. I didn’t buy it. I politely nodded my head and thought “blah blah blah, I’m outta here!” I knew I just needed each section of my orchestra to play in sync. It would be impossible to try to control microscopic events like ovulation, fertilization, implantation, etc. But what I was able to control is how my body worked on a “macro” level. I researched and developed a pregnancy protocol that prepared my body and mind and examined a number of other contributing factors, such as stress and how my less-than-perfect upbringing was affecting my fertility. I am completely convinced that there is a mind-body connection that controls the ability of many women to get pregnant and stay pregnant.

Let’s look at some of the factors that contribute to infertility and miscarriage that we can control:

1. Stress

I can already hear you say “here we go again—stress management, tell me something I don’t know.” But let’s take a closer look. I found that there seems to be a profile of women suffering from infertility and miscarriage. They tend to be very career and goal oriented, driven by deadlines, and may think they are expected to “have it all” or at least “all at once.” This attitude is totally inconsistent with getting pregnant and staying pregnant. I had no idea how much stress I was under until I finally quit my management job. Now I look back and I can’t believe what a pressure cooker I was in every day. At the time I thought I was managing my stress pretty well, but now that I have the benefit of hindsight, I realize I was constantly operating in “fight or flight” mode.

2. Diet

The American diet is as bad as it gets, and as other countries become more “Americanized,” their diets are shrinking as well. Although I always maintained a body weight that was within the normal range, I still did not eat fertility-promoting foods. I researched food and nutrition publications and followed a diet high in hormone-regulating foods, fruits, and vegetables. Hormone regulation is also critical to preventing miscarriage. As a bonus, foods that are good for fertility also happen to be great anti-aging strategies. It’s great for my ego when people ask me “Are you going to have another baby?” and now I am 47 years old!

3. Visualization and meditation

If you really want to attract something into your life, you need to see yourself as if you already have it. Many amateur and professional athletes use a combination of imagery and meditation before their competitions. It’s no different if you’re trying to get pregnant or if you’re already pregnant and want to stay that way. I developed a series of visualization and meditation techniques that helped me get pregnant and carry it to term.

4. Examine your attitudes about family and children

You should go back and confront your ingrained attitudes about family and children. I grew up with parents who didn’t match at all, and as a result, I didn’t even want children until I was in my 30s. I had such negative impressions of marriage and family that it’s no wonder my body was sabotaging my efforts to get pregnant and stay pregnant. I had to synchronize my mind and my body. When I ran a women’s infertility support group, I was always amazed at how many women said, “I always knew I was going to have a hard time getting pregnant!” Seems to be a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy, doesn’t it?

Again, there are some women who have physiological factors contributing to their infertility or miscarriage, and it may be impossible for them to have a successful pregnancy without medical intervention. But to me, it all seemed to fall into the category of the inexplicable. Well, I finally found the ‘explanation’: my orchestra needed some adjustments. It was very empowering when I finally realized that I was in control of my body, not the doctors!

Copyright © 2006 Sandy Robertson