Romance is a way of expressing your love, the icing on the cake. But don’t wait for special occasions to express your love. Be sure to nurture your love relationship by practicing these basic habits in your daily life. These may seem very basic, but how many do you practice regularly? Don’t despair … it’s never too late to adopt good love habits.
Most of the couples who come to my practice with problems report that their marriage lost its romance a long time ago. It’s easy to feel romantic when you’re living apart and hanging out together, because every moment we spend together is special. From the moment you start living together, those romantic moments are no longer automatic. Instead, they spend a lot of their time together on more mundane things: doing the laundry, doing the dishes, paying the bills, or going to work. Although this may be new, exciting, and fun at first, as soon as the initial novelty of living together wears off, those everyday things are no longer exciting and romantic, and you may worry that your partner is no longer worrying as much or is so excited to be with you.
Developing these good relationship habits will make a big difference to your happiness.
Good relationship habits
1. Don’t resist, listen.
We often have an instinctive negative response to what a partner tells us or wants to do. Instead of answering in the negative, “That won’t work …” “We can’t do that …” I tried listening and thinking for a few more seconds. You may find that your initial response changes, and in any case, listening and understanding is not the same as agreeing. When your spouse feels that you care about what you are saying, the nature of communication will change for the better.
2. Increase the sweetness.
Married life has its inevitable strains and strains. To keep things in balance, we need to put a little energy into increasing the sweetness between us. Consideration, appreciation, and gestures of courtesy and affection are the WD-40 of your marriage. Say “I love you” every day. Keep things running smoothly by remembering to add a little sweetness frequently. You will be surprised how good you feel and how receptive your partner is.
3. Goodbye kiss and hello.
Give him a hug while you do it. Affection keeps the juices flowing and the romance alive.
4. Maintain your courtship behavior.
Treat your partner even better than when you were dating … Remember they are dating. Touch each other. Sit close to your partner and gently place your hand on their shoulder, leg, or arm. If you are in the car, lightly touch your shoulder or arm. You will find that your conversation becomes warmer and more affectionate. If you have been struggling or are willing to forgive each other, confronting and holding both hands will help you feel more connected and calm in a positive way.
5. Don’t worry about the little things.
You can let your bad habits bother you to distraction … or you can accept and avoid them. Leave the toothpaste cap off? Buy separate tubes … Do you leave clothes lying around? Ignore or pick them up, remembering how much it does for you in other ways. Or make it easier for your partner to satisfy you … put laundry baskets and trees within easy reach.
6. Focus on the positive.
Instead of thinking about the ways he / she disappoints you, think about all the positive things about your partner that attracted you in the first place.
7. Take a break when you are angry.
Don’t try to speak when either of you is angry. Take a few minutes to walk around the block, lie down, just walk away from each other so you can regroup. A short break will allow both of you to stay on track and discuss what’s bothering you rather than accidentally making personal insults that you’ll regret later.
8. Don’t use your partner’s secrets or weaknesses against them … ever!
What may seem insignificant, trivial, or cute to you may be serious to your partner. Recognize what is important to your partner and do not discuss it with your friends, your mother, your family, with anyone! And certainly don’t return words to them in an argument. A love relationship is one of the most intimate and trusting that anyone can have.
9. Think of your partner first.
If you both do this, you can’t help but win! Remember that first and foremost, they are partners. Keep this in mind and check back frequently to make sure you are acting as partners and not competitors or evaders. They’re in this together, and partnership is what it’s all about. Say ‘yes’ to your partner as often as possible … go to that sporting event with him, take him out to that golf course because he loves golf, visit his family, make life easier for your partner , and hopefully they will do the same for you! Reciprocity is the key.
10. Respect each other.
Do not speak ill of your partner to anyone, not even joking! Negative words have a habit of sticking around and showing up when things go wrong. When you talk about your partner, let your respect and love shine through. Unless your partner is talking about something really sad (job loss, death, etc.) where a smile would be inappropriate, look him in the eye and smile as you listen. Your partner will automatically feel more understood and cared for, which will change the feeling level of the conversation. This doesn’t mean staring without blinking, but just staring frequently for a few seconds at a time, to communicate your attention.
11. Find a way to regroup every day.
Find out what works well for both of you … eating together, getting together for a happy hour drink, skipping television at night and just laying in bed in the dark, taking a walk around the block, etc. You can even mix things up and vary your routine. If one of you is traveling, call home at night just to hear your voice. The point is to spend time together every day, just talking or breathing the same air, feeling connected. No matter how crazy you are with work, kids, and bills, it’s essential to set aside regular time each week for the marriage. Have a “date night” that includes a discussion about the “state of the union” or take a nice walk or drive. Staying connected means that things don’t turn into a fighting state, and you will remember how great you are together. Don’t forget to celebrate and appreciate each other. Motivation comes from celebration and appreciation, so when you spend some quality time together, you will both be more motivated to make your marriage the best it can be.
12. Try to laugh.
If something frustrating is going on, try easing the tension with a little humor. After a difficult interaction in a store, when you leave, you might say, “It went well.” with a touch of irony. Or, when someone drops something and makes a mess, you could say, “The gremlins are here again,” “It’s always something,” or “It could happen” to trade stress for bullshit. Don’t make fun of your partner, but use shared humor as a way of saying “I know this is hard, but we will get over it.” Your partner will think of you as reassuring and helpful to be around when problems arise.
13. Use pleasant surprises.
Try a love note in your spouse’s briefcase, a post-it with a smiley face on the bottom of the toilet seat, a flower, plant, card or balloon for no reason, or an unexpected soft pat on the butt, a hug or a kiss to say “I’m thinking well of you and I love you.”
14. Remember the good times.
“Remember when …” is a great start to a loving conversation. Create a great feeling by remembering what you were like when you were dating, when you got married, when you bought your home for the first time, when you had your first child, when you received that promotion. Reminding yourselves of your strong history together is one way to increase your bond.
15. Show off to friends in the presence of your partner.
Of course, tell your partner to their face how much you care, but also make sure to tell your friends, while your partner is around, with the great boy or girl you married. “Harold is so considerate. He helped me around the house today.” Or “Sue is a great mom. It really gives the kids the feeling that they are loved and still keeps them on the mark.” Now, “Did you hear? Fred got a big promotion. I’m so proud of him.” Now, “I don’t know what I’d do without Judy. She’s so good with money.” Now, “My darling doesn’t look too good today? I’m very lucky.” Don’t worry if your partner seems embarrassed. He or she will also be pleased and will remember your boast for a long time.
Remember … the more you put into your relationship, the more you earn! Make love and romance a part of your daily life!
Adapted from: How to be happy partners: Working together https://tinyurl.com/ycvrckus