This is an area that I have been pondering for many years, pondering and wondering why such behavior exists. And with my recent expression through writing, I felt it was time to talk about this interesting and often confusing area of ​​behavior.

So here, based on my experience and observation, I will describe what I believe to be some of the reasons for such behavior. These are not the correct or only reasons and just my current views.

From distance

The definition in a dictionary is something like this: not friendly or communicative; cool and distant. Or conspicuously uninvolved and disinterested, typically out of dislike.

With this analysis I will be explaining the first part of the definition. Review the causes of unfriendly or communicative behavior and cold or distant.

examples

There are many examples that come to mind when I think of aloof behavior, however, there are a few common examples that come to mind.

The typical behavior is that of the person who will only make contact or express a greeting when others speak to them and will not make an effort to interact with others and initiate interactions themselves.

Another example is when one relates to another and the response is one of distance and coldness.

These behaviors can make someone seem arrogant and ignorant and as if they think they are above or better than others.

isolated occurrences

Of course, someone has to start a conversation, and there may be instances where talking to someone isn’t in your best interest. What I am describing here are someone’s inclinations and not isolated facts.

survival mechanism

When it comes to being cold and distant, I see them as behaviors that are nothing more than coping mechanisms. A way for an individual to avoid the actual or perceived experience of rejection.

Causes

Possible causes of such behavior could result from being ignored or rejected during the younger years. As a child, we will naturally have times when our parents or caregivers are not available to us, and we can take these as loving retreats and as absolutes. If the experience is truly traumatic, it can leave us with these feelings that color our entire experience and cause us to filter our entire lives in this way. And now, as a way to avoid reliving these painful memories, we use these coping mechanisms.

felling safe

Being distant or withdrawn allows one to feel a sense of security and that there is no possibility of rejection. However, the more we behave in this way, the more we feel rejected and neglected by others.

Imbalance

It also has to do with giving and receiving. With the left side of our body being the receiving side (female) and the right side being the giving side (male). These kinds of traumatic early experiences create an imbalance within us and this then creates our behavior.

Withdrawal

If we’re looking for something, whether it’s love or acceptance, and it’s not there or rarely is, then we begin to withdraw and hold back as a way to protect ourselves. Separate ourselves from what we want and need. This can create passive behavior and someone who is withdrawn and rarely willing to give. This is a perfectly normal consequence of not being accepted when we have given or asked for something and each time we have been rejected or have had an experience so traumatic that it created a reference point.

All of this creates a problem with receiving and if we cannot receive then we cannot have anything to give and this can make us feel as if we are running out of energy.

Be present

By questioning our reactions and behavior, we can begin to ask ourselves if we are acting from the present moment or acting from past memories. Past memories that trigger past associations and have nothing to do with what is happening now, in the present moment.

Interpretation

Just as I mentioned earlier about individual occurrences, there are also our interpretations of behavior, which can make us assume and jump to conclusions.

There may also be other factors involved. These may be that the person is shy, quiet, or that there is something currently going on in their life that is causing the distant behavior.

It could also have to do with environmental influences that are creating conflict and pressure for the individual. And if we see this behavior a lot or it provokes a reaction in us, then it could be reflecting something we need to look at within ourselves.