A few weeks ago, I was doing a therapy session with a couple who were having a very heated argument. The language was harsh and they were not making any progress towards solving the problem.

I jumped in with a tip. The husband immediately turned to the screen and said, “Linda, that sounds too much like common sense. I don’t know how to handle common sense because there’s nothing like that in the world anymore.” Fortunately, we all laughed and that broke the tension.

But what he said was also sad. Common sense is NOT common, and definitely doesn’t make sense to everyone.

People are used to taking advice from outside of themselves and then blaming the source if things don’t go their way. There are so many social media influencers that might not offer truth or wisdom. Strangers posting may not even be telling the truth about their names, age, location, or history. They have nothing to lose by giving bad or inappropriate advice.

The other day I heard a man give a presentation where he said, “If you’re a Christian, ask God for advice. If you’re a Muslim, ask Allah. If you don’t have faith, ask your mother or grandmother because they usually have the answers”. This made me laugh because there was a lot of truth in this. I have received so much great advice from my grandmothers over the years and I am grateful that as a grandmother I am able to pass it on to my grandchildren.

There are ways to develop common sense. Here are some that I have learned over the years:

1. Learn to make decisions without going to others for help. I often see people at the grocery store who can’t pick out a box of laundry detergent without texting or calling someone for guidance. Read the labels, think about the machine you have and choose!

2. Value mistakes. I traveled to California for the graduation of a grandson who had earned his degree in marketing. The main speaker was a professional golfer who told how she encourages her students not to be afraid of failure. She took each letter of the word FAIL to define her concept of “First Attempt Learning”.

3. Be cautious. There’s an old expression: “If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and shakes like a duck, it’s probably a duck!” He doesn’t jump into something that feels wrong, no matter who is cheering him on.

4. Take responsibility. One of the hardest things I face is trying to help people who are “victims” of everyone and everything. They blame, blame, blame and never see the part they played in the problem. We have all been hurt by life at some point and we have all had other people who have betrayed us. Disappointment appears in different forms over the years. Each of us, however, has the ability to make decisions and start anew today.

Develop a positive network. Toxic people and activities can bring us down. We need to have people in our lives who can inspire and help us. Look for people who have done well. I never, for example, take financial advice from someone who is poor! Find those who have been successful in the areas you want to be successful in as they know the way to help you reach your goal!