Arts Entertainments

What type of lawyer do you need?

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“I need a shark” I hear that often from clients who think that the way to win a child custody case or a divorce is to hire the nastiest, meanest, most abrasive, most aggressive attorney they can find. They want to make the other person’s life a nightmare. There are times when being a shark is appropriate.

“I just want to go out” is a frequent comment from the men I represent. When a man walks into a lawyer’s office, he usually has already made up his mind to divorce her and is willing to give her anything she wants, just to be free of her. Big mistake. Enormous. He is looking to give up too much for her peace of mind.

“I’ve moved out and now I’ll settle for 50/50 custody of the kids.” yes, not so much. Unless her ex is a traveling saleswoman, she’s not going to get a court to award her 50% custody when she leaves the house. The other statement that she hears a lot is, “She’s not a good mother and I want full custody.” If she really is dangerous, she shouldn’t have left, but turned her over to the child protection agency, or sought a restraining order that would protect you and the children.

Those are three scenarios I come across frequently that illustrate the different roles I play as a lawyer.

THE SHARK

Sometimes I am a shark and I have to be extremely aggressive and unforgiving. I had it in a case where I knew the ex-wife had remarried but denied it so she could continue to collect alimony. We hired a private investigator and kept digging until we found the proof we needed to stop paying her child support. We spent many thousands of dollars but saved over a hundred thousand.

THE PROTECTOR

Other times I have to be a protector of my client, against his own wishes. I have to fight him to make sure he doesn’t give in too much for peace. Men do not value money and possessions, they usually have the mindset that they will just make more money and buy new things. But there’s no reason why they should give up more than half in a divorce, and it’s often my job to make sure they don’t.

THE VOICE OF REALITY

Parents want to be an active participant in their children’s lives. But what they don’t know is that they must fight hard and strategize long before a breakup to make sure their rights are respected and honored, not by the mother, but by the court. Men need to know their options and their legal rights and obligations before making drastic changes to a family law situation. The biggest mistake most men make is to act first and seek advice second. When they do that, I have to be the voice of reality explaining to them why they already lost the war and didn’t even know they were fighting.

Technology

Sun Tzu and the art of winning negotiations

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For many of his colleagues, Sandro is an old Chinese pawn. Having been working in various cities in China for the past 7 years, he has more work experience here than most of his Chinese colleagues.

One of the key success factors that he attributes to the success of Sandro’s career in China is that he takes the time and patience to listen and understand his Chinese colleagues, suppliers and partners. While some of the business practices in China can be very different, even contradictory, to those in his native Germany, Sandro has always been patient enough to understand why certain things are done a certain way, and then seeks out his counterparts. Chinese understand. why some things have to be done internationally.

So when it came time to negotiate a major deal with a key supplier, Sandro decided to let his Chinese project manager take the lead in the negotiations. Since Sandro had not yet had the experience of negotiating such a large project in China, he thought it would be a good idea to learn from the local expert.

The Chinese Project Manager, Mr. Chen, shared with Sandro his negotiation strategy, which is to divulge nothing and squeeze them for the lowest price. And that was what he did.

Halfway through the negotiations, Sandro discovered that things were drifting off track, such as:
• Although the company has a policy of minimizing purchasing costs, there have been frequent cases of suppliers unilaterally increasing prices because they realized that the agreed prices were below their costs. If the buyer does not agree to the price increase, the seller will cut off supplies. And since the agreed prices were below cost, the buyer could not find alternative suppliers to supply at those prices as well.
• One of the key requirements for this agreement is that the supplier commits to various quality and delivery guarantees, which are critical to the buyer’s production. However, these issues have not been discussed as Mr. Chen fears that discussing them will increase his purchase price. Mr. Chen thought it best to secure the best price and then set these requirements once the price has been agreed upon. Sandro knows that if these requirements are set after the price has been agreed, the supplier may not meet his quality and delivery guarantees because the price he gets does not cover the costs of the additional work.

Bearing these observations in mind, Sandro wondered if there was a better way to obtain a long-term commitment to the agreements negotiated in China.

Formulating your trading strategy

“The victorious army plans victory before it fights, the defeated army fights before it plans victory,” says Sun Tzu in The Art of War. The same principle also applies to the formulation of trading strategies. We can use the 5 elements of Sun Tzu:
• The Path: Your Goal or Desired Outcome
• The weather: external factors beyond your control
• The Terrain: External Factors Within Its Influence
• The General: The people who lead your negotiation
• The method: how the negotiation should be carried out

To begin with, you will need to define what the goal or desired outcome of the negotiation is. The most important concern you need to have is whether you just want to win the negotiation or whether you would like to have a sustainable outcome of your choice.

Interestingly, while it is often mentioned that Chinese businessmen expect negotiated agreements to be renegotiable later in the event of unforeseen circumstances, most Chinese negotiators tend to view a signed contract or agreement as an indication of success. the negotiation. They are often too short-sighted to see that if the deal is not sustainable in the long run, or if it is seen as unfair, their negotiating opponents will want to re-negotiate. As such, negotiated outcomes are NOT sustainable

Therefore, to reach a sustainable trading result, you will also need to consider a few more factors, such as:
• What is the result of the negotiation that you want to achieve, other than price or immediate gratification?
• What is the best case, the second best case and the worst case scenario?;
• Why should your adversary agree to your demands or requests?;
• What are you willing to give in exchange for what you receive?
• When to withdraw and negotiate with another person?

The next question then is: would it be safe to tell our adversaries what we want?

The best victory is the one won without fighting

In simple terms, negotiation can be defined as: getting others to give you what you want by giving them what they want.

The problem is that most of us would like others to give MUCH MORE than we want, while we give the least of what they want. While the rationale behind this thinking is to control costs or maximize profits, however, there are some flaws in this logic:
• It doesn’t mean that if you give them too much more than they want, it will cost you too much. There are some things that you can give at little or no cost, but that can greatly benefit your opponent;
• Often times, the costs of NOT getting what you really want (other than the lower price and immediate gratification) are higher than the savings of giving so little of what you want; Y
• Sometimes you need to educate your opponents so they understand what a sustainable outcome they really want too!

As Sun Tzu says, “The best victory is the one won without a fight.” If you want your opponents to give in to your demands or give you much of what you want, you may want your opponents to feel that:
• When they give you what you want, they will get what they really want (besides price and immediate gratification);
• You will make sure that any deal you make with them is something they are happy with, even if it is done in their best interest;
• Makes a conscious effort to move from negotiating adversaries to long-term partners.

Sun Tzu also says, “Use conventional methods to organize, but use out-of-the-box methods to achieve victory.” Talking endlessly about price will end in an impasse, but if both parties are willing to explore the reasons why they want what they want, they might come up with a creative solution that meets mutual needs.

There is a Chinese expression called “words spoken from the bottom of the heart”, which is actually quite common among buyers and sellers who have done business together for a long time. It goes back to the Chinese ideal of looking after the well-being of its trading partners, even if they may be its adversaries in the negotiation. The trick is to get your opponents to trust you quickly enough for this effect to take place.

Know yourself and your adversary

When we mention that we need to earn the trust of our adversaries, it does not mean that we are just being nice and sacrificing all our gains. Hence Sun Tzu says: “Know yourself and know your adversary, fight a hundred battles and do not endanger yourself in any.”

What this means for the negotiator could be:
• You can’t win with ALL opponents. Knowing who you can trust and having them trust you is key to winning results;
• You don’t just learn about your opponents by just talking to them. You can learn more about your adversaries (even if there’s a dire need for you to give them what they want) from your colleagues, business partners, or general industry news; Y
• In negotiation, knowing your opponent can be just as important as letting your opponent know you. If the adversary is someone you don’t know, start by revealing less sensitive details in smaller deals.

In short, while there are overwhelming tips, techniques, and other resources on how to win in negotiations, there is only one thing on your opponents’ minds: “Why should I let YOU win?”

Here’s one last little story to illustrate why it’s important to make your opponents want to let you win, rather than crush them. We often see some unreasonable and rude guests in hotels or restaurants who make unreasonable demands on the service staff in a very rude manner, knowing that because they are paying the money, the service staff will have to say “yes” to most of the guests. their rudeness. demands. While some service staff simply suffer in silence, some experienced service staff know how to get revenge by secretly spitting or adding other unspeakable “ingredients” to the rude customer’s food.

The moral of the story: Even if you have overwhelming bargaining power, you may still want your opponents to want you to win. As in the Art of War, “To win, use reason to connect with your people and use discipline to implement your strategies.”

by cjng

Business

What you need to know about business marketing consultants

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Do you have a business that you would like to take to another level? You should consider hiring a business marketing consultant.

What the consultant will do

There are many things that a business marketing consultant can do for you:

Gather information: It is the role of the consultant to gather information on the correct marketing strategy to use. The consultant will analyze the market and find the clients to target.

There are two types of research methods that a consultant can use: qualitative and quantitative. Qualitative research is great because it is deep and gives you a deep understanding of the market and your target customers.

Quantitative research, on the other hand, is based on averages and percentages within a given group. This research provides you with a broader view of the market.

Data analysis: After the consultant has collected the data, they must now analyze it to produce a report and recommendations. Most consultants understand how to professionally use statistical and market forecasting software programs that make it easy for the consultant to analyze the data they have.

Recommendations: the business marketing consultant will make recommendations on what you need to do to boost your business. If the consultant is an expert in digital marketing, she can offer recommendations such as optimizing websites, building mobile apps, and increasing social media campaigns. The consultant will also advise you on what you need to do to increase your clients.

Tips on Hiring a Business Marketing Consultant

In order for you to hire the right consultant, you should take into account a series of tips, such as:

Ability: How capable is the consultant to solve your problem? In addition to considering the experience of the consultant, you also have to pay close attention to the experience that the professional has. You should also consider whether the consultant works with other consultants. For great results, you need to work with someone who works as part of a team of experts.

Chemistry: Do you get excited when you work with a consultant? To have fun, you need to work with a professional who is easy to talk to.

Credibility– In addition to hiring a well-educated and experienced professional, you also need to make sure that the consultant is credible enough. When you work with a trusted consultant, you are sure that you cannot leak information about your business.

Home Kitchen

The Different Types of Office Cabinets by Hon

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Proper security and order for your valuable documentation and files is essential in all offices. If you are thinking of securing it, look no further than having Hon filler cabinets. These cabinets are very cleverly made to hold files while consuming much less space. These cabinets are present in different styles and designs. Your office will look much better and well organized.

You can find these cabinets in various heights and these are solidly built and used for long lasting utilization. These cabinets are available in two types, from side to compact. They can allow air to pass through from the inside of the cabinets so that they do not deteriorate due to humidity. The side comes for daily use purposes. For everyday use, side cabinets have proven to be very neat and organized. These cabinets are available with 2, 4 or even 5 drawers along with matching drawer pulls so you can change them according to your room interior.

The 600 series of side cabinets is one of the most popular cabinets that are widely used for offices today as it is known as a stylish addition to the office interior. These cabinets have 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 drawers.

The 700 series side cabinets are 700 series side cabinets for everyday use which are a bit hard, rough and sturdy in nature. The drawer handles are very stylish and locks are also present inside these drawers for added security. Other advanced side series include the 80 series and 800/700 series, which are highly advanced in features and reliability. Other distinguished Hon file cabinets include 530 series, 510 series, 310 series, etc.

There is a series that is vertical in shape and takes up minimal office space. It is considered ideal for office use for file storage. These cabinets are available in 5 drawer letter size and 5 drawer legal size. The offices feel and breathe easy since they are not thrown with the furniture.

Finishes include Taupe, Putty, Grey, Black, Clear, Charcoal, Shaker Cherry Laminate, Columbian Walnut Laminate, Shadow Zephyr. Desert zephyr, cloud zephyr, morro zephyr, carob and various metallic tone finishes are placed in Hon file cabinets.

Auto

Custom trucks from around the world

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Stringing a tree with tinsel or sprinkling artificial snow around double-glazed windows is quite normal behavior when it comes to celebrating a religious festival at home. However, if you spend more time on the road doing hauling jobs than lounging around in your living room, then it’s understandable that you want to decorate your vehicle as well. Here are some examples of custom trucks from around the world.

the christmas truck

Some people admit that they only feel festive when the Coca-Cola Christmas commercial, with the beautifully lit red truck, appears on television. This ad actually fell out of use around 2001, after Coca-Cola restructured its advertising model to produce ads locally rather than centrally at the companies’ headquarters in Atlanta. However, after many phone calls from consumers around the world, saying the ad represented the start of the festive season, the company was forced to put the ad back into use. Transportation workers who drive the Coca-Cola trucks, as in the ad, are encouraged to decorate their trucks with the stereotypical red LED lights. Therefore, these trucks are a common sight on America’s highways during the Advent season.

The Hello Mohalla truck

During the Sikh festival of Hola Mohalla, it is common for the participants to decorate their trucks before carrying out the transport work. The decorations are similar in style to the Diwali trucks, but a bit less elaborate. Instead of floral wreaths, crepe paper decorations hang from the truck’s bumpers and windows, while artificial flower garlands decorate the front hood and balloons hang from the side doors. However, during the festival the goods transporter transports differ slightly from what they are used to in their regular line of work. Transport workers transporting participants to and from the carnival procession in their decorated trucks, while the participants sing Kirtan hymns in the back.

Dekotora’s truck

While many transportation workers only decorate their trucks for special occasions, in Japan truck decorating is actually an art form. The art is known as dekotora and the trucks are painted in bold and cheeky designs. They usually feature neon or ultraviolet lights, and in some cases are designed to look like animals or anime characters. Trucks can be used for transportation work, but are more commonly decorated by hobbyists who drive them to special events. However, although dekotora sounds like a lot of fun, there are strict rules that all participants must adhere to. Side bumpers, for example, need to be made from wide planks instead of the usual tubes. These are usually decorated with paper lanterns and different types of lighting.

diwali truck

Indian trucking companies are encouraged to decorate their trucks for Diwali; the festival of lights This sport can actually get quite competitive with those doing trucking jobs during the festival trying to outdo their peers by having the fanciest truck. Strings of marigold flowers twist around the front of the truck and bumper and are known as ‘sheer’. The flowers have already been offered to Goddess Lakshmi and after receiving her blessing they are hung from the trucks as an omen of good fortune. Marigold flowers are not the only form of decoration and ribbons are often hung from outside rear view mirrors, while tassels cover the vehicle’s fenders and grill. Carriers also use the holiday excuse to give their trucks a fresh coat of paint so they can truly outperform their rivals on the road.

Digital Marketing

The importance of permission-based email marketing

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According to a Merkle report, permission-based email accounted for about a quarter of the time a person spends with email, second only to emails that are personal communications with family and friends. The opposite of that, however, is that 75 percent of those who participated in the study said they opted out of receiving permission emails because the emails lack relevance; 73 percent said they opted out because the emails were being sent too frequently, according to the report.

So where is the fine line drawn? How do you build a powerful, permission-based email database of key contacts and then feed them timely, relevant information, instead of getting qualified email contacts only to lose their interest due to perceived negatives? by recipients? The key to email marketing success is finding the balance, simply because this medium should be the cornerstone of your marketing mix.

How to Build a Subscription Email List: For starters, building a subscription email list provides a base of qualified leads that you can nurture and build relationships with. Customers and prospects who visit your website and like what they see are more inclined to join an email list at that time because they want more of what you have to offer. These visitors are the very people you want to target, much more qualified than buying a third-party list, especially since email addresses change quite frequently. Also, those who sign up on your website, or sign up twice via confirmation email, are genuinely interested in your products and services, so there’s a strong chance of converting these leads into sales. and regular customers. The other downside of third-party lists is that you have no idea how many emails these contacts are receiving, from companies other than your own. With your own personal subscription list, you know exactly what volume and frequency to send emails.

Do It Yourself vs. Using an Email Marketing Company: While building your own database and having full ownership in-house may sound appealing, it can become extremely cumbersome and time-consuming to manage. If you don’t have an automated system in-house and linked to your website and databases, you’ll end up having to manually make changes, like deleting an email at the request of subscribers or trying to figure out and determine your analytics for each email. Permission-based email marketing services for small businesses like Constant Contact and iContact manage everything for you, from using your website consent to directly collecting emails in a database they host to offering Design templates for your communications and emails. And, because services like this steadfastly follow anti-SPAM laws, your emails actually get to where they’re supposed to go.

Defining who you are: Clearly having someone “ask” if they can be on your email distribution list is much better than randomly sending information to third-party lists. But permission-based email marketing gives you the opportunity to also build brand awareness with those who really want to hear from you. Opt-ins may also be tempted to sign up with the offer of free white papers, case studies, and password-only access to special areas of your website.

Create a positive image of yourself: Recent studies have shown that those who choose to participate or make purchases from a particular company have an increasingly positive impression when that company sends them an email. With email marketing, you can develop and nurture a relationship that may have started simply out of necessity and begin to develop into winning a long-term customer.

More and more people are tolerant of permission-based email marketing; however, you should not cross those trust boundaries. Relevant and timely information, special promotions or incentives will continue to build trust between you and your customers. However, emails every other day or information that is simply off target of what your customers want or work with on a daily basis will lead your customers to opt out just as quickly as they did.

Health Fitness

Home remedies for tinnitus and the power of pineapple!

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Before I go singing the praises of any miracle home remedies for tinnitus, I must state that there really, truly and sadly, there is no absolute cure for that monotonous ringing in the ears that affects over 50 million Americans. But don’t despair there is hope, keep reading…

But equally sad is the hype of the media and big pharmaceutical giants preaching false brakes on their over-the-counter medications, which more often than not, end up giving the patient more damaging and worrying side effects than any relief. actual tinnitus.

Herbal remedies like ginkgo biloba and black cohosh have been tried by some who have escaped the disillusionment of over-the-counter medications. While herbal remedies for tinnitus may offer marginal relief, they also fail to cure the troublesome condition.

As mentioned above, the problem with over-the-counter medications is the brutal side effects that come with them, like exhaustion, nausea, vertigo, constipation, and something very unpleasant called Irregular Bowel Syndrome… yes, I won’t. comment more.

So where does that leave the sufferer seeking tinnitus relief? There are other alternative treatments, such as magnetic therapy, acupuncture, hypnosis and hyperbaric oxygen therapy. But most of the time these treatments are also an exercise in futility.

Although some home remedies for tinnitus are said to provide complete relief from this annoying condition, again, sadly but in truth, those claims are largely untrue. However, here are a few:

Home remedies for tinnitus:

  • Ginkgo Biloba – Helps speed up the blood and encourages better circulation in the head and neck area. This helps because a lack of blood in this region can be a cause of tinnitus.
  • Fresh Cut Pineapple Rings – That’s right, good pineapple! Due to its inflammation-reducing properties, it is believed to improve blood circulation in the head and neck region resulting in relief from tinnitus.
  • Coenzyme Q 10 (300mg per day) – This is also supposed to help with blood circulation in the upper torso by boosting the immune system and thus providing relief from tinnitus.
  • Raw garlic – yes, take a clove and eat it, baby! Taken daily, garlic is said to relieve tinnitus… but mark my words, there will be no relief for anyone around you!
  • Salt Spray – A teaspoon of salt mixed with an equal amount of glycerin and then sprayed on the throat and nose (sounds pleasant!) is another home remedy for tinnitus that is said to provide relief.

These remedies should always be combined with healthy living and wise choices. Even simple changes in diet can be a very effective home remedy for tinnitus. Avoid as much as possible: saturated fats, processed foods, sugar and dairy. Cut out the nicotine and caffeine (I know, it’s going to be hard to live without those big triple cappuccinos!), which are powerful stimulants that can aggravate your tinnitus. You can still have your espresso, just use moderation…

Also watch your blood pressure – It could be a culprit. If you have high blood pressure, getting it under control can relieve tinnitus. This will include reducing your sodium intake, reducing or better yet completely eliminating your alcohol consumption, and of course following a healthy balanced diet and exercise regimen.

Home remedies for tinnitus can help, but they alone won’t produce the desired, long-lasting relief you need.

Legal Law

What you need to know about the NIJ 0101-06 standard

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The NIJ 0101.06 standard is a comprehensive standard for testing the protection values ​​of ballistic armor such as that used by law enforcement and military personnel. To qualify under this standard, ballistic armor must pass a series of rigorous performance tests to ensure it meets expectations.

Ballistic armor is classified by level of protection, with higher levels offering increasingly effective protection against penetration and blunt force trauma from larger caliber projectiles; To pass certification, a vest must prevent test bullet penetration at the test rate of fire and, more importantly, must prevent deformation as a result of blunt force trauma to the test surface. Soft armor (such as concealable vests worn by law enforcement) consists of Tier II-A, Tier II, and Tier III-A, and is intended to primarily protect against small arms fire. Hard body armor consists of rigid insertable plates and is classified as Level III or Level IV, for protection against rifle rounds.

The important points of the NIJ standard can be explained by noting the changes in the testing requirements of the standard 0101.06 and the interim NIJ standard 0101.05; After reviewing the tests of the previous standard, as well as performance in the field, the National Institute of Justice has determined that more rigorous testing requirements are needed to ensure a minimum shelf life of five years and to protect against larger, faster bullets. than in previous tests.

Per NIJ standard 0101.05, for tests IIA through IIIA, a total of six panel samples were required for testing purposes. Each panel was to be a standard size, with six shots per panel and a minimum spacing between shots of 2 inches. Two shots (#4 and #5, specifically) were to be fired at a 30-degree angle from the armor, to test for angled hits. To test the effects of water on the material, the armor underwent a six-minute spray before testing. All test shots were fired in areas a minimum of 3 inches from any edge. Four ballistic limit tests were performed to test its resistance to penetration; Two back face signature tests were performed to test the deformation of a test material (soft clay) behind a point of impact, with a maximum allowable deformation depth of less than 44 millimeters. The bulletproof vest would fail the test if it allowed greater deformations of the test bullets, or if the first test bullet completely penetrated the ballistic armor.

The NIJ 0101.06 standard provides more rigorous testing of these requirements. Specifically, 28 test samples are required: 22 large samples and 6 small samples. Each panel still receives six test shots, but the spacing is more rigidly defined: shots one through three are separated by a minimum of two inches, with a minimum distance from the edges of 2 inches. Shots 4 through 6 must be grouped in a circle with a maximum spread of 3.94 inches. Shot 4 is still tested at a 30 degree angle, but Shot 5 is tested at a 45 degree angle. The wet test is performed by completely immersing the armor for 30 minutes. Ballistic limit tests are conducted in both the first and second rounds per type, with ten tests conducted per type. The backface signature strain test requires three measured strains of less than 44 millimeters, with a second measurement of any result greater than 40 millimeters, and one outlier is allowed. Failure occurs if larger deformations occur, or if the armor is pierced by any portion of the projectiles tested.

NIJ standard 0101.04 required vests to be certified at level IIA to withstand the test of a 9mm round traveling at a relative velocity of 1,120 feet per second and a .40 caliber round traveling at 1,055 fps. Tier II armor had to withstand a 9mm round traveling at 1205 fps (+/-30) and a .357 magnum round traveling at 1430 fps. Level IIIA armor was required to stop a 9mm round at 1430 fps and a .44 magnum round at 1430 fps.

The NIJ 0101.06 standard increases the requirements at all levels; Armor to be classified as level IIA must now withstand a 9mm round at 1225 fps and a .40 caliber round at 1155 fps. Tier II armor should now withstand a 9mm round at 1305fps as well as a .357 magnum at 1430fps. Tier IIIA armor should now be able to withstand a .357 SIG round at 1470 fps, as well as a .44 magnum at 1430 fps. All of these tests must be performed in accordance with the requirements listed above.

Additionally, NIJ Standard 0101.06 tests the effects of environmental water conditioning, long-term use, and temperature exposure. These tests place a batch of eight panels (six large and two small) in a rotary dryer at 149 degrees Fahrenheit with 80% relative humidity. This batch is cycled through 72,000 cycles at five revolutions per minute over a period of approximately ten days, then removed and tested against both threat calibers at reduced test speed (testing of 9mm rounds is required by Level IIA at 1165 fps and .40 caliber rounds at 1065 fps after conditioning; Level II requires testing of 9mm rounds at 1245 fps and .357 magnum rounds after conditioning; Level IIIA requires testing of SIG rounds of . 357 at 1410 fps and .44 magnum rounds at 1340 fps after conditioning).

The level of protection one wears is generally based on the need for concealability, comfort, and overall protection. Level II-A is the thinnest and lightest armor available and stops penetration from most threats, but is less effective against blunt trauma injuries. Tier II armor provides a balance of blunt force trauma protection against high-velocity rounds, cost, and thickness while remaining concealable. Level III-A armor provides the best protection in soft armor and minimizes blunt trauma injuries to the wearer, allowing them to respond more quickly to oncoming threats, but is less concealable, heavier, and more expensive.

Lifestyle Fashion

My ex boyfriend’s friend contacted me! what this really means

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Ever since the breakup you’ve been wishing and hoping to receive a sign from the universe suggesting that your ex boyfriend wants you back, right? It’s understandable. You still love him and feel like the breakup was a mistake. Unfortunately, your ex seems to have moved on without giving much thought to what you would like. But now you’ve heard about his friend. It can’t just be an innocent gesture, right? The friend must have been sent to check on you by your ex. At least that’s what your broken heart is trying to tell you. Sadly, I am here to tell you something very different. The fact that a friend of your ex has contacted you means very little in the big picture. In fact, don’t be surprised to learn that his ex had absolutely nothing to do with it.

When a breakup occurs, it affects everyone in the emotional vicinity. Not only are you and your boyfriend forced to deal with the emotions that accompany the end of a relationship, but your friends and family have to learn how to deal with it as well. When someone we love goes through a breakup, we must not only watch it with pain, but we must face the reality that their partner will no longer be a regular part of our lives. That may be what’s going on with your ex boyfriend’s friend. He or she has finally realized that you are no longer part of the inner circle and they miss you. The fact that he is reaching out to you may well be his way of forging a new friendship that doesn’t include your ex.

Another reason a friend of an ex often shows up unexpectedly is that they’re looking to get back something that belonged to the ex. In other words, your ex boyfriend may have sent his friend on a mission to retrieve something of yours that you have in his possession. You can usually remove this motivation pretty quickly if the friend jumps from asking how you are to asking how they can get the item in question back for your ex. Be careful not to be offended by this. If the roles were reversed and your ex had something significant that belonged to you, you can ask someone else to look for it as well. It’s important not to take any of your breakup frustrations with the friend who may just be an innocent bystander trying to help someone you care about.

Obviously, if you have a renewed relationship with your ex at some point, you hope that the reason your friend contacted you was to do some undercover work to see where you are emotionally and if you have started dating again. Don’t make the mistake of jumping to the conclusion that this is what they’re doing if they ask you if you have a new guy in your life. Again, this may be a normal human curiosity. It’s much better to moderate what you share with the friend for now until you have a clearer idea of ​​what he really wants from you.

If you determine that they are seeking information on behalf of your ex boyfriend, be careful how much you share. If your ex went to the trouble to send someone to gather information for him, he is very interested in getting back together with you. Make it squirm a bit by keeping your emotions close and sharing only small parts of what’s going on. That way, the friend will let your ex know that he isn’t really sure what you’re up to and that curiosity will definitely pique your boyfriend’s interest.

I want to stress how important it is to take an emotional step back from all of this before you put too much emotional energy into the idea of ​​getting back together with your ex. When we want something, sometimes we see things that are not really there. Be honest with yourself about why your ex boyfriend’s friend has walked into your life. Take some time to figure out his motivations and if he really just wants to be his friend, with no hidden agenda, consider accepting that. We can never have too many friends and you never know if this new friendship can help ease the pain of the breakup so that you can finally move on with your life as a happier and more emotionally balanced woman.

Pets

A rescued dog is the most rewarding act

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My husband, Eldad, was on his way to a crowded animal shelter to see a dog that he said “had a horrible picture.” Labeled as a terrier mix, and has already stayed over a week. We are full-time dog rescuers, so we are used to the inevitable.

I got a call: “You won’t believe how cute this dog is and he’s already spayed so he’s coming home with me today.” Later that afternoon, I walked into our home to be greeted by our two white rescue terriers and this furry ball of fluff who licked me like I was his best friend. “Oh, you look like a pumpkin,” I told him. And so Pumpkin instantly became part of the family. We’d have to find her a foster home eventually, but she was so soft and potty trained and so perfect/

Two days later, Eldad and I had to go talk to a class of children at an author’s festival about the dogs and other creatures we had raised in our home. We had no idea what we were going to say, so we brought our book and brought Pumpkin as an example of how a rescue dog is a friendly and lovable dog. I just hoped Pumpkin wasn’t too skittish. He had her tied up and planned to have her on my lap the entire time.

The children were in second grade and very polite and caring and I realized that they were too young to really be exposed to the term “euthanasia” and that it would be inappropriate to tell horror stories of abused animals. Eldad presented a power point presentation of photos of many of the dogs and cats and other critters that we had had in the house. The kids went ooh and aah and then suddenly Pumpkin jumped out of my lap. As if possessed, Pumpkin dove into the crowd of children like she was a rock star throwing herself into the crowd.

The mood immediately changed and suddenly everyone went crazy for Pumpkin. She had been abandoned all her life and she had never received so much love and affection from so many people at once. It was as if she instinctively knew “I have to get the message across, the kennel strays are the coolest dogs in the world.” The petting and hugging festival was amazing and instead of a stiff presentation, we now had a really relaxed and exciting dialogue with the students.

Now we’ve learned to let Pumpkin work her magic. She diplomatically walked around the class and let each second grader have equal time to pet her.

These little ones were filled with questions and they did not stop raising their hands with comments and at the end they asked for our autographs.

When Eldad, Pumpkin, and I wrapped up the day and walked off campus, most of the students were outside at tables eating lunch. The moment they saw us, they started yelling, “Pumpkin!”

I had an army of kids chasing me trying to get to superstar Pumpkin. Her teacher informed me that most of these children were first generation born in the United States and were not culturally exposed to animals as “part of the family.”

It is amazing to think that this dog that had had such an impact in a few hours on so many people, just two days before, sitting in a cage, was deemed not worth living.

There are many Pumpkins who face the same fate, and hopefully one day these youngsters will remember that they chose to save an animal over supporting puppy mills and pet stores. Perhaps other Pumpkins will have loving homes instead of being torn apart for pounds. I can only wait.