Sometimes I hear from women who tell me that even though their husband has been saying he wants a divorce, they are beginning to feel a little hopeful that he might change his mind, at least a little. I often hear comments like, “I’m starting to suspect that maybe my husband isn’t so sure he wants a divorce anymore. He’s starting to act a little differently and more accepting of me, but I’m afraid to ask him about it because I don’t want him to.” back off.Are there any signs I can look for that might indicate that you really don’t want a divorce anymore?

There may be some signs that you are conflicted or unsure about the divorce. These vary from man to man and from relationship to relationship. But, I will discuss some of the most common signs in the following article. And I’ll also offer some suggestions on what to do if you see these signs.

Sign number one: is affectionate, interested or attentive: Men who have one foot out the door and are sure they want to get a divorce usually look ahead and thus close themselves off from their wives because they firmly believe that she will soon become their ex-wife. Therefore, it is somewhat unusual to see a husband who wants or has filed for divorce remain at least physically or sexually interested in his wife. Sure, many men are courteous and try to remain present in family life because it benefits everyone to be courteous.

But men who start to have second thoughts about divorce sometimes take it a step further. You will feel attention or a little spark that you may not have felt for quite some time. Most wives suspect that they can feel this difference. If you’re feeling it, just keep going to see if you can develop it without making a big deal about scaring or stopping it.

Sign number two: Doesn’t seem to be looking ahead or taking any initiative to move forward: When a man is sure that a final divorce is on the horizon, he will usually begin to reorganize his life with this in mind. He will get a separate bank account, start looking for another place to live, and generally try to get his affairs in order because he knows that all of these things will be needed in the near future.

But, a man who is not really sure what the future holds for him might drag his feet towards these things or not complete them at all. Now, some men are just procrastinators who don’t make changes until absolutely necessary. And you know whether or not her husband falls into this category. But wives who suspect their husband is moving slowly because he has second thoughts will usually see other signs to help confirm it.

Sign number three: You get the feeling that he is constantly re-evaluating you (and perhaps your marriage) and wondering if a divorce might be a mistake: Men who are sure they want a divorce because it’s the right thing to do or because it’s the right response may doubt themselves at first, but most who go through with a divorce find their resolution somewhere along the way relatively quickly.

Men who are hesitant about divorce will often show their internal struggles with this decision outwardly. They might actually verbalize questions to you that are meant to test you or the relationship to help you decide if the divorce really is a mistake. I’ve had wives tell me that their husband has literally made comments like “I hope we don’t regret this divorce or find out later that it was a mistake.” Sometimes, instead of directly addressing the breakup, they’ll take a walk down memory lane and say things like “we really had fun together, didn’t we?” Or “I want you to know that I really will always care about you.”

What to do if you think your husband really doesn’t want a divorce: There is no doubt that the idea that your marriage is over is a difficult reality to deal with. So it’s understandable that you’d be tempted to go right away and ask him directly if he really wants a divorce or if he’s really going through with this.

I would recommend rethinking this strategy, at least for a while. If her husband is struggling with this decision right now, pushing too hard may make him pull away from her. In my experience, it’s often a better idea to build on whatever “edge” it gives you. If you are becoming more receptive and more interested, then follow up and expand on that without pushing the situation further or trying to define it. Because you may not be sure right now. So you want to wait to ask the question until it’s obvious what the answer will be.