One thing that frustrates many wives who have just separated or are taking a husband-initiated “break” from their marriage is a lack of clarity from the husband about how things are going to work out. The wife often wishes he could be specific about how things will play out in the days and weeks ahead. Often what she would like is for him to define the relationship and specify how often they will see each other, how close they will be, and ultimately how things will end with their relationship and marriage.

Usually, however, the exact opposite is true. The husband wants to leave things more open because he is not sure what he wants. I recently heard from a wife who said, “I am so frustrated right now. My marriage has been struggling for a while, but instead of agreeing to counseling, my husband announced that he is moving out and wants to separate. He said he wants to see each other regularly.” and he doesn’t intend to file for divorce any time soon, but insists he just wants to be friends for a while and “see where our relationship leads” We are married and now he wants to get back to a friendly relationship and see if that friendship eventually turns into a romance. Isn’t that backwards? How am I supposed to respond to this?

Questions like these are very common and the wife is often quite reluctant to play along because she is worried that the husband will want to have his cake and eat it too. Wives often think that this whole “let’s be friends” thing is just a way to get the wife to agree to parting ways without fighting too much. And in the meantime, the husband is free to explore life living alone while he technically still has a friendly wife back home to turn to.

I understand these concerns because I felt them myself. And it’s very tempting to want to tell her husband that she’s not buying any of this and that she doesn’t want to be a part of her plan. But often, pushing him to make a more permanent decision could backfire. Very often, when wives play this card, the husband simply replies that if you prefer less contact, a formal separation, or a divorce, he will understand. So sometimes it becomes obvious that if you want regular access to it (which you’re going to need if you want to save your marriage), you better realize that two can play this game, and that you can play it just as well as you can. he can.

What a husband usually means when he says he wants to “see where their relationship leads”: I know this is a very vague phrase that can make it sound like your husband is speaking in riddles. But I correspond with many men who contact me on my blog, and I can tell you that often when they take the “let’s see where our relationship leads” stance, what they’re trying to say is that they’re not sure about their marriage, but they are not prepared to lose you or walk away from you at this time.

They often feel like things are falling apart in their marriage and need some time to clear their heads and figure out where to go from here. That being said, they are not willing to leave or they would have already. So while the “let’s start by being friends” stance can mean that they’re enjoying the best of both worlds (they’re no longer living with you but still have access to the relationship), it can also mean that, at least for now, they haven’t. closed the door.

How to play it when you’re waiting “To see where the relationship leads:” I know this can be a very difficult situation to handle. You are caught between wanting to give him the space he obviously needs to wanting to feel some reassurance. So it can be very tempting to push for more than you want to give, especially at first. It’s scary to step back and let him come to his own conclusions.

But most of the time, that’s exactly what you should do because if you push too hard, he may come to believe that giving you so much access to him just isn’t working. He may think that he feels more pressure instead of less, and to relieve himself of this, he may be tempted to draw a line in the sand and cut his ties faster. If he’s trying to save his marriage, he can’t let that happen.

Often the best thing to do is make it look like you’re playing the game. Sure, you’ll be his friend, but you won’t be at his beck and call either. What most women in this situation don’t realize is that you can often turn this around and use it to your advantage. Sure, you don’t have full access to him, but on the other hand, this means he doesn’t have full access to you either, allowing you to create a bit of mystery and scarcity. Things that are not immediately available are often perceived as more valuable. This is just human nature.

So I warn you not to make it too obvious that you are aware of his every decision. He wants and is going to take his space and that is unfortunate. But, this gives you the opportunity to do your own thinking and soul searching. It will often put you in a better position if you stay positive and remain confident that this new arrangement will lead him back to you. And this means that you don’t have to experience the inner turmoil that leads you to do desperate things or to appear needy and insecure. Because both of these things will make you look less attractive to him.

So as hard as it is (and I know it is hard), I think the best thing you can do in this situation is put a smile on your face and tell him that he can take as long as he needs and that you will. the same. In the meantime, make the most of those friendly moments you spend together. But don’t move too fast. Allow things to unfold at his own pace, and let him take the lead sometimes.