Men and women have always lived in what filmmaker Neil LaBute likes to call “an uneasy alliance.” Infidelity strikes at the depths of our being and our personal dignity. So, mistrust can be a battle we sometimes have to deal with in any relationship before we wear ourselves out emotionally and eventually start to simply trust the person we’re with or cut them out of our lives altogether.

Historically, distrust has always been an insect that devours the human soul. Othello suffocated Desdemona because he thought she was cheating on him; Hercules killed his wife in a fit of madness (claiming that the gods forced him to do it); and in The Thousand and One Nights, the great sultan, believing that all women are evil, married a new wife every night and strangled her the next morning. In fact, there is nothing new under the sun when it comes to human mistrust in relationships.

Trust requires us to be vulnerable and transparent with people. This is easier said than done because we all fear rejection on some level by someone. The key to overcoming that barrier, however, is to resolve in your own heart that if you burn out, you’ll get better. If they abandon you, you gain more discernment. If you break, you get a breakthrough! If you get hurt, God can heal your heart and help you get up again! No guts no glory!

Sadly, some of those who have been hurt carry their pain into their new relationships and thereby perpetuate and complicate their emotional lives, keeping their new love under their microscopic scrutiny until they show it. That is, they are kept guilty until proven innocent based on the actions of others who have wronged them. However, it is much better to start over and not hold people emotionally hostage because of their personal unfinished business. Forgive and let live!

Not to be vulnerable, relatable, and real is to risk never connecting on a deep level with people. It’s much worse not being able to connect with people than connecting and being cut off by people. Connect and do not fear those who reject. When people walk away from you, consider it their loss and happily move on.

Consider it a blessing in disguise, as those unwilling and unable to commit to a meaningful relationship are moving out of your life. Do not prolong or perpetuate the pain in the long term. Take your end game girl where she is needed and move from scratch in preparation for your hero. Before you can have a new beginning, you must first have an old ending. Therefore, do not cling too much to relationships where there is no reciprocity and equality of desires.

On the other hand, once you find a man worth committing to, refuse to let mistrust and jealousy impede your relational growth and progress. Don’t let mistrust rust you and reject meaningful relationships. Trust and push yourself to new relational levels!

Here are some rules to get rid of mistrust and its crippling effects.

1. I easily trust everyone until they show me that they cannot be trusted.

2. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and consider them innocent rather than guilty.

3. I have decided to err on the side of mercy and grace instead of judgment and criticism.

4. When I show hope and faith in humanity, most of the time they meet my expectations and hurt me.

5. Confidence empowers the people around me and makes them want to help me.

Don’t be fooled by mistrust. Forget the past and raise your head! The sun always shines above the clouds. Celebrate today and things will start going your way!