Problems in marriage can arise from a lot of different things.

A good friend of mine the other day was venting on the phone and saying “my wife blames me for everything”. Thinking he was just being sarcastic and joking, I replied “of course that’s what wives do, that’s their job”…

But he was serious. She said no Jay, my wife really blames me for every little thing. Problems that I don’t even have anything to do with. Everything bad that happens is my fault and she never takes any responsibility or blame for her own problems.

What Nope What to do if your wife blames you for everything…

Usually when a wife blames her husband for everything, it becomes part of a cycle of criticism in the marriage. Criticism is one of the leading causes of death in marriage, and it often goes hand in hand with complaining.

Now, of course, you must be aware that there may be some truth in some Of the things he blames you for. A marriage is usually 50-50 and therefore some of the issues may be legitimate.

But a) if she doesn’t take responsibility for her own problems, then he’s using her as a scapegoat and b) there are better ways to express your criticism that don’t cause problems in the marriage.

What you should not do is close. Many times when a wife constantly complains and bombards you with criticism, she makes the man shut down. He may feel like running away by refusing to talk about the problem. This will deepen his marital problems, so it’s important that he resist doing it.

What you SHOULD do if your wife blames you for everything and causes problems in the marriage…

First of all, you should try to explain to her that it bothers you that she is doing this, but in a way that doesn’t cause an explosion on her part. In other words, if she gets defensive and starts snapping at you, don’t let that get you to the point where you’re arguing with her to see things your way.

No matter what you say, especially in that environment it won’t let you see things that way.

Another thing you can do so that there is no possibility of interruption is to write him a letter, expressing the situation and really letting him know that you do not want him to cause any more problems in the marriage.

Then stop arguing about it. Like I said, you’re not going to get anywhere trying to make her see things your way. Nobody can change the opinion of another person, it has to be done internally by the person himself.

The solution you may not want to hear but can make a 50% positive change in your marriage…

Remember I said that some of what she blames on you may be legitimate. Of course, she probably shouldn’t phrase it the way she does, but that’s not the point here.