Like many divorcing couples around the world, you have made the decision to stay together until you both feel the time is right to divorce and part forever. This may be because you want to sell your house, pay off your combined debts, or simply move in together so you can both raise children.

To create a harmonious environment in which to coexist, you will need to set some boundaries. Imagine an invisible line drawn around you that determines what you let in or out. The line is your limit and if your ex-husband or wife carelessly crosses it, you need to tell them that it is not acceptable.

One situation where having clear boundaries could be how you sleep. If you have separate rooms and one partner thinks it’s okay to come into her room whenever she feels like it, she needs to firmly let him know that she’s crossed her line. Make it clear that she doesn’t want to have to put a lock on her door, but if your ex doesn’t stop pushing her boundaries, you will, too.

Mutual respect is the name of the game here and it will never be as important as two ex-married people living in the same house. You will need to define your boundaries at the beginning of your new living arrangement so that there is no unnecessary confusion or conflict.

Going from husband and wife to roommates is a big adjustment, so I have no doubt that you will push each other’s boundaries at times.

If the word BOUNDARY was not recognized in your marriage, then both of you could be in trouble as the lack of boundary setting could be the reason you broke up. In some homes there is a more dominant partner who makes the decisions while the more submissive partner does what they are told. If this was the status quo of their marriage, staying together will not work.

When verbalizing your feelings about a topic like sleeping arrangements, speak softly but be assertive. Getting angry and saying hurtful things will only make the situation worse. Good communication is based on listening to what a person has to say and then allowing them to do the same. It’s not about insults and control tactics.

Another area that will need definition is the ongoing parenting of your children. If there is any debate, you should take it away from the children who may have been quite upset at the end of your marriage. You can not get into heated arguments in front of your children, otherwise they had better live with one of the parents. The reasons why you have chosen to stay together may be based on financial survival, but do not forget that your children will become victims if their parents decide to wage war against them. It is also abusive if you allow it to continue.

Remember that you will eventually get divorced, so try to relax.

No one said living together through divorce would be easy, but it takes a level of maturity to make it work. Each former partner has to get over any petty issues and respect each other’s boundaries.

This could be a lesson for both of you as you learn to appreciate each other’s right to your own way of thinking and doing things. Setting boundaries in any type of relationship is essential for a healthy and happy atmosphere. You need to understand that we all have our own unique ways of how we see the world and our place in it.

In any relationship there has to be give and take, but there also has to be forgiveness.

Copyright (c) 2010 Linda Cole