I got the following question about how to trust again:

“My husband and I remarried after we both got divorced and went through a series of relationships. I have been hurt a lot, but I tried to end all relationships peacefully, so when I met my husband I felt alive and loved him.” I saw him as my right. great man. And he’s actually great in a lot of ways. But when I found some of his communications with his ex-wife and ex-girlfriends, I found out that he lied to them a lot. And sometimes he lied to me too. I know our The relationship is kind of control-resistance. I’m trying to control and he’s trying to resist. And I told him I don’t trust him anymore and I don’t respect him anymore for everything he’s done to other women and to me. Because he lied, I felt that I had the right to judge him and make him feel guilty for what he had done to me and other women, so he told me that he felt so bad about himself and that he is just as bad as what I told him I feel like it’s his problem and I cannot respect a man who is not responsible for what What is he doing. month and he scolded and insulted him. I know I shouldn’t have done that, but I’ve lost confidence in him. Through the Inner Bonding process I am trying to recover myself and regain my love, respect and trust for him. My question is how can I restore all this? And how can I trust that I won’t be the victim of him in the future?”

And another question about how to trust again, from another woman:

“Being direct, honest, and loyal are important attributes to me and to others. Once the ‘bridge of trust’ has been significantly burned down (i.e., infidelity in a marriage or an intimate relationship), it can truly be restored.” trust when it seems to be more important to one partner? How does the betrayed respond when the other apologizes but thinks an apology is enough? How do you prevent this feeling of mistrust from affecting future relationships?”

Learning to trust again requires working on two levels:

1. The first thing to do is your own inner work. You need to do enough Inner Bonding to become a trustworthy loving adult for your own inner child. This means:

• Accept that you have no control over whether or not someone betrays you again, and stop trying to control the other person.
• The total mourning for the loss of confidence.
• Learn to trust your own inner knowing. As you develop your trust in your feelings and your Guide, you are more equipped to sense the lack of integrity in others.
• Being willing to lose the other person instead of losing yourself.
• Be willing to take whatever loving action you need to take on your own behalf.

2. The second level of work to learn to trust again is relationship work:

• Both you and your partner should attend couples therapy to fully understand your relationship system. Lying is often the result of one person trying to control and the other resisting or fearing honesty. Both of you must do the work of healing old fears and beliefs and developing a loving and trustworthy adult within you who can be honest instead of a liar. You can never trust the other person not to lie or cheat on you if your own inner healing work is not a priority.
• Apologies are never enough. Apologies mean nothing without the inner work to heal underlying fears and false beliefs that led to lying or cheating.

It is unrealistic to trust again without this inner and relationship work. The wounded self in all of us is not trustworthy and can act in very damaging ways when there is no strong, loving adult in charge of our actions. For trust to flourish in your relationship, both of you must become loving and trusting adults with yourselves and each other.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day Relationships at Home Course: “Love relationships: A 30-day experience with Dr. Margaret Paul: for people who have a partner and people who want to have a partner”.