How many times have you heard someone refer to another person as their friend and wondered how close the two people really were? What makes someone a friend instead of a friendly acquaintance instead of just an acquaintance?

We all come into contact with a wide variety of individuals in the course of a regular routine. In my case, I would say that I have many acquaintances, several friendly acquaintances, but only a handful of individuals that I would really consider friends. Of course, my definition and the requirements to be considered a friend may be somewhat stricter than many others. I consider someone a friend only if, over a period of time, they have shown that they really care about me and that I really care about them. A friend doesn’t always necessarily agree with everything you do, but friendship means that two people can openly discuss the reason for disagreement. A friend is someone who is there for you when things are not going so well, as well as when they could be. A friend is still a friend regardless of whether he has any “advantages” to offer, whether he has power or not, whether he is popular with others or not. Friendship is tested over time and remains regardless of how often you may actually be in contact with the other person.

On the other hand, a friendly acquaintance is someone you know and get along with. They exchange pleasantries, occasionally they can do things together, but the kinship necessary to be considered a friend does not exist at the moment. However, it is quite possible that someone who is currently a friendly acquaintance could become a true friend at some point in the future.

However, the vast majority of people we come into contact with are actually acquaintances. It’s not simply a measure of how long you’ve known someone, or if you come in contact frequently, or even if you socialize in a group setting with the other person. From time to time, an acquaintance may, in time, become your friend, but friendship must be shown.

I’m always surprised when I go to a wedding or a Bar Mitzvah, and there are so many “friends” involved. The reality is that guests at these kinds of social gatherings consist of family, business contacts, obligations, acquaintances, friendly acquaintances, and “peer pressure invitees.” Why do so many people think that it is necessary to affirm and believe that they have so many good friends?

Most of us are lucky to have true friends on our fingers and toes. Many of us don’t need to take off our shoes to tell our friends. The reality is that it is better to have a handful of truly good friends than numerous acquaintances. Unfortunately, most people don’t learn that until something bad happens in their life, and then they get to witness which friend stays true and is “there for them,” almost wholeheartedly. I’d rather have ten good friends than hundreds, or even thousands of acquaintances. While, in business, our sphere of influence and acquaintances can be helpful, in our personal lives, friendship is much more important.