Lifestyle Fashion

Words and Games

Joe South wrote and released a protest song in 1968 called “The Games People Play”. The lyrics identify various forms of interpersonal and social problems that occur between people, including intolerance, hate, and irresponsibility. One of the verses points to hypocrisy:

Oh the games that people play now

Every night and every day now

I never meant what they say now

Never say what they mean

Very often my therapy clients struggle with similar issues. Their identity, confidence, and progress in life can be severely affected by just a few words spoken to them. The following are some of the steps we take to help resolve the trauma and “unstuck” it.

  1. Term – When were the words spoken? Often, wounds occur in childhood when we don’t have the maturity to process them. Children may not tell anyone or find support to deal with the shock. Sometimes words in adulthood are said impulsively or without thinking. It’s important to remember that you might be the only person in the world who even remembers what was said. In fact, you may never see the speaker again. They might even be dead. Let go!

  1. Source: Unhappy people are often not kind to others. Those who speak in anger or while using substances are not reliable judges. Some people project their own inadequacies onto others and accuse them of the same thing they are doing. If you want good information, look for good sources that are sound and wise.

  1. Intent: Bullies say things to bring you down to their level. Traumatized people can lash out without much provocation or processing. Even well-meaning people can say things that they meant to encourage, but have a harsh judgmental ring to them. Consider why the person said what he did to you. Don’t make excuses, but try to gain some understanding.

  1. Guess – Did you read the things in the words? Perhaps you did not understand the true meaning. It is important to analyze the message in the correct context and not embellish or search for hidden meanings. This is particularly difficult when using text messages. Ask for clarity when you are confused.

  1. Truth: Once you’ve identified the messages that have caused you harm, start debunking them. Many times, you will find that the words were said without thinking, spoken by someone who was not an expert, or received incorrectly. What is the truth? Make a list of the strengths, skills, and accomplishments you’ve had. Consider the positive words and compliments received from others over the years.

  1. Repeat – Years ago I heard a social worker talk about a theory called “Big Dog, Little Dog.” He explained that the dog you feed is the one that grows. So if you keep feeding the negative words and memories, they will grow, get bigger and even more damaging. On the other hand, if you start feeding positive words, thoughts, and achievements into your life, you will get much better results. This is good for the future too. Say what you want, not what you don’t want.

Not everyone is consciously playing with the words they say. Some actually speak before they think, while others have simply never learned to communicate clearly and encouragingly.

When you let another person’s words affect you negatively, they have power over your emotions. You can decide not to let them have that power.

And as I’ve said many, many times, it’s not what happens to you that’s as important as how you deal with it!

Let go of the past, stop worrying about the future and learn to live in a happy and peaceful present.

Oh, and also remember that the words you say are powerful. Distribute them with kindness and consideration.