I often write about saving marriages. Or, if a separation or divorce has occurred, I sometimes try to help the wife get her husband back (provided the relationship is healthy and worth saving). I am often contacted by wives who want to know “signs that my husband wants me back.” In other words, they want to know what to look for to show that there is still hope of getting back together. Every husband is different, of course, so often the signs are a bit individual. However, there are some universal signs that may tell him that the marriage isn’t really over (even if he doesn’t know it yet or can’t or won’t admit it to himself or to you). I will list many of the signs and signals that I commonly see that may indicate that your husband might want you back.

Everything that is not indifference: The behavior that is a clear indication that the marriage is officially over is indifference. When a person can honestly and earnestly say (while not wishing his spouse or ex ill will), that he really doesn’t care what happens in the future, it is an indication that he is really over. They have been released once and for all. They don’t track you. They do not initiate contact. They are not at all interested in what is going on with you. They have gone ahead without ill will and with a complete and healthy closure. (However, this is rarely the case that I see. But, when you see total indifference, you really are in trouble.)

That said, anything other than this offers hope. Wives often tell me things like “my husband says he hates me” or “we can’t even stand being in the same room together” etc. I often reply that this is actually a positive sign and I’m sure wives think I’m crazy, but this is the truth. If there wasn’t a glimmer of excitement and interest left, then these very strong feelings (even if they seem to be negative) wouldn’t be revealing themselves. If her husband really has no affection or interest left, then he wouldn’t react at all. The fact that he is reacting strongly gives it away.

Strong emotions (even negative ones) can be a sign that your husband wants you back: Your husband or ex may be doing a complete jerk. It can be confrontational and insulting. He may be angry and may imply that you are not a good parent or that you are behaving in an undesirable way. Here is the question you have to ask yourself. Why do you care? Where does this concern come from? If he had really moved on, would he really be reacting this way? Even though his behavior is annoying and unexpected, ask yourself why he’s coming out like this. Because if he didn’t care at all, you wouldn’t really know anything about him.

Are you trying to take the “concerned” approach?: The other side of this same coin is the husband who takes the “concerned” or “protective” approach. In this scenario, the husband will claim that things are over, but he will feign guilt and remain vigilant, under the guise that he wants to make sure you and the kids (if he has any) are okay. The claim is that even if they are not married or together, they can maintain a positive relationship because it is healthier for everyone involved. Some husbands really mean this. But, some use this approach to “feel” the situation and see if by creating positive interactions, you can determine if the “spark” is still there.

Yet another angle to this same tactic is to try to keep in touch through mutual friends. Or meet you because he knows your habits and where you will be. Once again, if he didn’t care at all, he wouldn’t leave his place here.

What to do if you see any of the signs that make you suspect your husband wants you back: The worst thing you can do is call your husband about this or ask him for clarification. I see many women do this and it almost always goes wrong. The husband gets scared because you are asking him to define something that is probably confusing him and this creates negative emotions. If she wants her husband back, her main goal should be to establish a series of positive interactions that will build on themselves until she is back on solid ground.

So if your husband is hanging around, trying to keep up, or keeps making excuses to meet you, do so and let him know that you appreciate his concern and agree that you want the relationship to be a positive one, no matter how things turn out. . outside. Take it day by day and focus on positive, happy and fun interactions.

If your husband is taking a negative approach, trust in the fact that he wouldn’t be doing these things if he didn’t care, and don’t allow yourself to respond negatively. Explain to him that no matter what happens between you, he is too important to you to allow things to deteriorate this way, and tell him that you only intend to engage in positive behaviors. He may not believe it at first, but you’ll show him with your actions, not your words. Once again, your goal is to create positive interactions that build on themselves. Don’t try to define where this is going or push. Just take it day by day and focus on fun, low pressure moments that you can build on.