If you start to question your sense of self and wonder who you are, it may be as a result of the relationship you are in. If you left a relationship and you have no idea how to behave now that you are out of it, it is very likely that you were trapped in one of these relationships.

All relationships have their moments. What healthy relationships allow us to do is slam doors from time to time and may not be the end of the world.

When you are in a toxic relationship and you are stepping on eggshells and you are too scared to say anything in case you are ridiculed / ignored / scolded, then that is a completely different matter. You know when you leave these relationships that there is an initial sigh of relief, and then we start to wonder. “What am I supposed to do now?”

Here are 5 types of relationship to avoid and understand. If your personality is being subsumed by that of your partner, or was controlled by them before you left, then it is time for you to look at yourself and what you need.

1. The carrot hanger

This relationship is hideous. The perpetrator keeps you on your toes, waiting for a few crumbs from the teacher’s table. They tell you things like, “in the future, maybe we can do xyz together.” The day that happens never comes. They know exactly what they are doing; They control you from a distance, playing puppeteer while you hope for the best. They constantly disappoint you and then unexpectedly redeem themselves to get the cycle started anew. They have you, hook and line, and have no intention of letting you go.

This level of control has to do with your low self-esteem, not yours, and your need for attention. Its shortcomings show up in how you start to feel about the relationship. Once you recognize this, you can let it go.

2. The controller

The controller is a different kind of toxic partner to the carrot hanger, although both are in control at the heart of what they do. The controller likes to get into your head and make you guess. They say things like, “If you think that dress is okay, then wear it.” And so your doubt arises. They also tell you how well you’re doing … and not in a good way. It’s almost as if they are saying, “I like you, no matter what other people think.” This type of behavior binds you to them for a period of time, because they are eroding your confidence and causing you to lean on them.

See this for what it is. When they put their head to the side and say, “awww, you’ll be fine, whatever happens,” they are telling you that they will take you under their wing, and they have you. Walk away.

3. The narcissist

Have you ever felt completely secondary to a partner? Like you’re not much more than an accessory? Do you know that your toxic partner loves themselves more than anyone else will? So you need to understand, right now, that you will never be good enough for them, no matter what you do. This type of association has led many wonderful people to believe that they are useless; And if you have a jealous narcissist, then you are theirs to be treated badly, no one else. You are a reflection of them.

Recognize that you will always be the runner-up when it comes to them. Are you willing to put up with this for your whole life?

4. The silent

Grumpy couples are a nightmare. They sulk at perceived slights from you. You will spend your time playing “guess what mood x is in tonight”. They will walk around with their ass face slapped and say “nothing” when you ask them what’s wrong. Make sure you have done something and you are being punished. You could have left the cap off the toothpaste or fucked his best friend, the reaction is the same, disproportionate and unfair. And I guess you haven’t slept with best friend.

Spending his life racking his brains over what he might have done this time to justify the silent treatment makes him a nervous wreck. Call them about it …

5. The culprit

When you take the worst of the situation when someone (or the toxic partner) has done something wrong, then you are the scapegoat of their life. You end up being the receiver of everything, because you are there. Everything becomes your fault, and if you stand up for yourself or disagree, we will receive the silent treatment once again. One way or another, what went wrong for you, or overreacted to, somehow becomes you, it’s your fault and because it’s in the world. It’s unreasonable, it’s unfair, and it shows that they can’t accept responsibility or filter out the inconvenience.

If it becomes your fault, “you’re the one who wanted this” when, for example, you fail a credit check to buy your engagement ring on installment … get out of the relationship before you get stuck! Don’t accept this behavior! (just an example, my friends …).

If your toxic partner is or was all of these things; well done in acknowledging it. So what’s next?